I shall follow in the footsteps of my mother (for once) and use this space to explain my family to the confused reader.
I, of course, am Bain Winslow. No more needs to be said.
Brynn Winslow, sister -- Brynn is my sister in the books, however, on the board she's more elusive than Roberto.
Denise Winslow, mother -- Denise is eternally twenty-nine, due to the wonders of CYBERAGE. She enjoys arguing with me, and also attempts to be a good grandmother to her many grandchildren. She gave birth to me when she was two, it seems.
Logan Winslow, supposed father -- Logan is never around, which is rather typical.
Rory Winslow, supposed father -- Rory, although deceased, manages to post in the funny forum every now and then. The official "Golden Boy Sr." he is the unlucky recipient of my mother's love. Horrors.
The one true Shiloh Irons (Winslow), cousin or brother, accordingly -- With his good name in jeopardy, Shiloh Irons still manages to post on the board once in a great while. He is, you see, hard at work at college while others try to steal his rightful place. Don't fall for their tricks, they are not the true Golden Boy Jr. There is only one GBJ and his true identity shines through when he posts, and each post is a cause for celebration, for they are few and far between.
Roberto Winslow, elusive son -- Roberto is the only one of my children who is able to call himself "elusive". My oldest, he is running against me for president. Roberto's a dear boy, just like his father. Roberto's mother is Rainbow Brite, but he was raised by Toria Montgomery as Rainbow was shooting her "Very Big Movie" and was too busy to care for an elusive child.
Beon, Leon, and Agtain, son, son, and daughter -- Beon and Leon, twins, and Agtain are also my children, but they rarely post. Divroce (deev-row-say) is their mother.
Verity Winslow, daughter -- Verity is my youngest daughter, and she has a pet sheep. Verity has not yet posted but we keep hoping she will...AHEM...Verity's mother is Toria Montgomery, who, as I mentioned before, raised Roberto as well.
Ilse Winslow, daughter -- Ilse is, apparently, German royalty who has only recently found out she is my daughter. I only recently found this out as well. She claims to have a child as well, which would make me a grandfather at age twenty-seven. Another miracle of CYBERAGE. Ilse's mother is Sweet's sister, Heidi...Heike...Hei-something. Heil Sammy!
Sammy, unknown -- Sammy is an unknown person who has been associated with me for reasons unknown. There is rumor of a 'Sammy Hitler' or some such thing, which I know nothing about, except that it might have some connection with Nazi Sheep.
Cheney Duvall, love of my life -- Cheney Duvall is the most wonderful woman on the face of the earth, and she is my future wife, though she denies it on the board so as not to make Skip at GBJ feel left out. We're going to elope one of these days.
If I forgot anyone...please, PLEASE let me know. I do want to include all relatives in this.

State it if I wish?...Uhh... I don't wish. Thanks though. You're a pal.

Disappearing, running for President, holding family reunions for my countless relatives, arguing with Skip, trying to get Cheney to fall madly in love with me, and, though it may be a shock, defending the REAL Golden Boy Jr., starting dumb bands, being the best part of the series